Test Anxiety???

It appears I have test anxiety. Many a morning during this summer the morning light and the realization of where I was came as grateful truth. I wasn't sitting at a desk looking down at a test I knew I was incapable of passing. My dream wasn't my reality.

The latest dream in my nightly series comes as a bit of an exotic entry to the usual subjects I find myself before (math, Spanish, etc.) I dreamt that I had to take a 250 question test on the Harry Potter books that like all the others I was destined to fail. The Harry Potter aspect is strange but the essence of this dream has become an all too common theme for me. In many a dream this summer I've found myself anxious and certain of failure even before beginning these tests.

I've never had a dream reoccur so many anxious times. What it all means has been pondered much, answered a little, and laughed at quite a bit as well. Who dreams themselves into taking tests on Harry Potter and not giving themselves abilities to cast spells, play Quidditch or the like?

Just me.

Yes, I'm a nerd and here's why...

It's been months since I came home from my trip and during the majority of that time not much has been what I would consider blog worthy. To usher in this new season of blogging I will reveal my inner nerd and how it escapes from time to time to embarrass me just a bit.

Tonight was the last concert of the summer at the Gallivan. Calexico put on a great show. It's not every day that you hear a southwestern stew of country, Mariachi, a bit of flamenco, and other tasty bites tossed together to make for an unforgettable musical flavor.

I love the excuse these concerts give me to move and groove a bit more than is permissible otherwise. I left the concert with the buena onda still in my mind and found myself waiting at a stop light rhythmically tapping away to my left signal blinker even though my destination was straight ahead. I have no idea how long it was on while I was off in my own little world.

Tonight my inner nerd escaped and I'm happy I unconsciously indulged it. I think way too often we suppress the happiness and joy we feel because of social norms and pressures. I'm still smiling about the escape and reveling in other memories it brings up of the little moments I catch of other people doing the same as I did.

So I say... give your inner nerd permission to enjoy life a bit more than your socially conscious self would allow!!!

Thank You 26!!!

To year 26--- Thank you for an unforgettable 365! 26 of the highlights:

1. Seeing Martin Sexton in concert twice in 2 weeks.
2. One of those times at Grand Targhee, under the blue sky, nestled against the backside of the Tetons, and after hearing Marty, having Patty Griffin take the stage. It doesn't get much better than that!!!
3. Unexpectedly discovering the vocals of Trevor Hall at a concert at Suede that I attended with friends. (His songs are among the most played in my ipod!!!)
4. The memory of my visit to Nick's "Lake Cottage" in Idaho will forever bring a smile to my face and a good bout of laughter.
5. The Tuesday Night tradition of bowling with T, that began in August and continued until the night before I left for South America in January. Good times.
6. Walking into Bajio's with the girls and having the staff shout out 3 especiales!
7. Watching the most amazing lightning storm in Mother Nature's high altitude kitchen of West Yellowstone the day before the 4th of July with Tara and Trish out at the old airport. It was better than any 4th of July fireworks I've ever seen!
8. Hiking Zion solo, including Observation Point and the Subway.
9. Making my first trip to Chicago to spend a week with Bailey, Dalsimer, Vanessa, and Sandbo--friends whose faces I hadn't seen since saying goodbye to them in Costa Rica in Dec 2004.
10. Any random day where Jen, Mel, and I were home together hamming it up in our house in the Aves.
11. Porch sitting until the wee hours of the morning. And a particular night doing just that and having some random stranger hand 2 roses to me through Brock's porch banister, surely cut from some unknowing neighbor's yard.
12. Falling in love the voice of Amos Lee after seeing him at The Depot.
13. Visiting a new continent, adding 3 countries to the list I've visited, their stamps in my passport and all the memories that come with over 12,000+ miles of travel over 5 months.
14. Seeing the majestic Iguazu Falls from both the Argentine and Brazilian sides. Waterfalls more amazing than any I have ever seen!
15. Crushing on the accordion player of Nora Luca every time I walked by him, playing in the nook on the sidewalk of Mitre next to the bank, on my way to get my daily fix of chocolate from Rapa Nui.
16. Galloping on a horse for the first time in an Estancia not far out from Bariloche.
17. The night spent at Refugio Frey.
18. My meal with Aisha and Helo at the Green Bamboo in Palermo ranks in the top 10 best, beautiful, and most enjoyable meals of my life!
19. 6 weeks of tango lessons with my very good looking Argentine teachers Pablo and Matu.
20. Seeing my first soccer game---San Lorenzo vs. River--- with the hottest, almost pediatrician Porteño guide!
21. Getting googly over good looking Argentine men being a daily experience for me while in Buenos Aires.
22. Being asked out by a customs officer 10 minutes after my arrival in Chile.
23. Eating more beef in 5 months than I'm sure I ate in the entire year before that.
24. Meeting and making new friends who hail from all over the globe.
25. Being able to say "Yo hablo español."
26. Seeing another dream come to fruition!!!

I Forgot My Gambler's Heart

Extending Travel Warning: You need a gambler's heart.

Why? Because though you expect things to change while you are away, there are things you figure time and distance won't touch, but upon settling back into your life again you just might find---like I did---that some things you never wanted or expected to change have done just that.

So though you won't lose everything while away, be warned that there are hidden risks and unseen losses that you must be willing to accept when you climb on that plane.

Trust me when I say that the outcome will be worth it. After it is all said and done you will look back at the experience and realize that knowing the risks wouldn't have made much of a difference. Every minute and mile brought you closer to yourself and a mountain of cherishable memories. It's a worthy venture of the heart for those who are willing to take the risk!!!

Kosher McDonald´s???

I never saw that one coming, but they do exist.

Only 10 Shopping Days Left!

I love BsAs! One of the reasons I love BsAs is because it's a great place to shop. You could endlessly walk the streets here and find things to buy. The prices are right, there is incredible variety and fashion, and it's just plain ole city fun! Let's just say that I've got big plans to buy, buy, buy and sufficient room in my suitcase!!!

On Being the Dumb One

For better or worse, all my life I've kept distance between me and experiences that leave me feeling vulnerable. This experience has been so incredibly humbling because I've felt a new kind of vulnerability. I love words. I splatter, splash, and many times drench people in my thoughts. I've taken for granted words and how we use them for everything. Without this ability I've been humbled. Let's just say I've been the dumb one and self expression with words comes at a heavier price. Today I didn't pass my biweekly exam. Needed a 75, got a 73. Not a huge deal but still keeps things in perspective for me. I expected this long before now, and to be honest I'm not surprised as I barely slid in with a pass on the last exam. I've learned loads but it's just the fact that I still have such a long way to go that is at times frustrating. On the fluency road I've just barely found my feet.

La Vega

There is this sight and smell heavy market called La Vega here in Santiago. It's big as a city block, covered, and filled with food. It's a magical and strange place to grocery shop. You name it, La Vega has it. Fruits, veggies, grains, fish, meat, and more More MORE! You wind your way along all these tiny walkways passing vendor after vendor selling food for every type of stomach and imagination. It's on counters, in barrels, in pretty colorful piles, sitting on ice, and wafting in the air around you. My squeamish stomach did anxious somersaults at the sight of stomach, tongue, braided intestine, hooves, and other animal parts. The smells that went along with them moved my curious self quickly down the walkway. The huge barrels of spices, every kind of dried fruit and grain, and big luscious fruits and veggies I didn't mind at all. I just imagined what an enjoyment it must be to shop here. A place alive and vivaciously centered around our stomachs! Definitely my kind of place. There's also a tiny walkway packed with what you could call miniature restaurants. All the while you are walking along, trying to make a decision, you are being courted to eat here or there. Your choices are many for such a small space. Once you do decide though, you find that there are no menus, but friendly service that quickly brings you a hot plate of today's special.

Free fortune on the Metro?

The other day was quietly chatting in English on the metro ride home with another student who lives out where I do. She's a blondie so it was hard to keep a low profile even though we were speaking softly. Our differentness must have been intriguing enough, because this random guy approached us and started chatting it up.

In 4 weeks of using the metro every day no one has ever approached me. Usually in the metro you're a bunch of folks in close quarters but there isn't usually a lot of chatter. I imagine it's the same in all other subway systems---people staring off in the distance, reading something, bobbing their heads to mp3 players, or just riding with eyes shut and resting until the anticipated stop arrives.

After almost 5 months of study I'm happy to report that I can understand a good portion of what people say to me. The other girl however could not. So it was me straining to hear what this guy was saying over the noise of the moving train. At first the chit chat seemed normal. The conversation took a strange turn when he said to me ¨you´re Mormon aren't you?¨

Well what proceeded after that was some sort of fortune telling of the sort I've never experienced. Let's see, this is what I could understand... I'm introverted but intelligent, that I'll only find love once in my life, that I want a husband and family, and more interesting tidbits I missed due to the circumstances. He also mentioned things about the other girl that were surprisingly accurate as well.

We all got off the train at the end of the line, he suggested that he could tell me more, I politely declined, and we all parted ways. I left the metro scratching my head and wondering what kind of Mormon vibe I must emit. That's the only thing I figured he couldn't have deducted just by observation.

Pensamientos Sobre Mi Vida en Santiago

Well it's my final week here in Santiago. I made the decision last week to change my program and go back to Buenos Aires for my last 2 weeks. As much as I've tried I haven't fallen in love with Santiago like I fell in love with Buenos Aires. I do think Chile as a country though, could easy win my love as there are infinite numbers of outdoorsy things to do. That love will have to wait on another day when I have the time and money to find myself so far south again.

My Chile Experience. The observations, enjoyments, and dislike over the past 4 weeks:

1. I've been cold on and off for the entire 3 weeks. What did I really expect with winter on the way? I've asked myself the exact same thing. Turns out that a lot of places in Santiago don't have central heating, including my room which has 3 outside walls and doesn't receive a lot of sun during the day. My nightly attire includes wool socks, my Patagonia pullover, and some nights a beanie. I conduct the majority of operations in my room with my body tucked into the heavily blanketed bed. I will never again take such things as central heating for granted.

2. The pollution here is visible and ever present. It's like you've put on a pair of glasses that zaps away the details of the horizon, the Andes, and clear blue sky. In place of this your eyes must pierce through the hazy air. Sometimes, when I'm walking towards my house and I look up and can just make out that the Andes are ahead, I wonder how my little lungs are doing breathing the air here day in and day out. It's definitely not the kind of souvenir I want to take home with me.

3. The Chileans who live in my neighborhood and the neighborhood where my school is are squeaky clean folks! I pass by some of the cleanest park benches ever on my way from the metro stop to the school. I swear I see them being cleaned at least once a week. And every morning people are out sweeping the leaves from their little bit of sidewalk too. So my shoes stay clean and my lungs are being filled with dirty dirty air. What a funny irony.

4. I've had the fun experience of jamming myself onto the improved and crowded subway system everyday to get to and from school. Though it's often a full contact experience, it fills my people quota for the day. To be totally truthful, I think I've become addicted to having lots of people around me. Like I've mentioned before- I'm sure I'll experience withdrawals when my feet finally find their way home to Utah. I'll go from seeing hundreds upon hundreds of people everyday to a number drastically less. Please come visit me and when you do, would you mind bringing your entire neighborhood with you?

5. Teenagers here are big into the gothic/punk look. In general though the clothing color scheme includes a lot of black.

6. Happy to note that the food here is spicier. It's strange though, after so many months of less spicy food, I can feel the spiciness in my stomach. Eating more seafood here too. As a resident of a land locked state, I've tried several new types of seafood. Not sure what they were, but I ate them all the same.

Okay that seems to be enough for now---it's cold, the air is dirty, the streets are clean, the clothing is black, and the food is spicy and a lot of it comes from the sea. I love making a short story long!

Tight Jeans

My pants are feeling a bit snug on me today and not because I'm trying to imitate the ¨tighter is better¨ Latin fashion for women. It's the 5 months of vacation type eating that I've indulged in. Thank goodness I've had to do a lot of walking or things could be much worse. Will have to hit the gym and watch what I eat to get back to where I was before I left. That is of course after I eat my way through my first week home. (See previous post.)

Homesick Tastebuds...

I think our taste buds are the first things to get homesick. At least that's been the case for me. Nothing else have I missed as much as foods from home (besides family and friends).

What have I missed the most you ask?

• An American breakfast complete with pancakes, eggs, bacon, and hash browns
• BBQ Chxn pizza
• Mexican food
• Peanut butter

Though I do have to say that my last Friday in Argentina I ate at this incredible Asian restaurant in Palermo (neighborhood in BA). It was my 1st spicy food in over 3 months. (Point to note...Argentine food though good isn't spicy). I was blissfully happy! After our main dishes my 2 girlfriends and I decided to splurge and order an item on the dessert menu that contained a small portion of every dessert on their menu. It ranks in the top 10 most beautiful and delicious meals I have ever eaten!!! I took pics of both, though I haven't gotten around to uploading them yet.

And then yesterday I went to a restaurant here in Santiago that had falafel! My mouth couldn't believe it! In the spirit of experiencing a new culture and country I have chosen to live with families and eat the food that they prepare for me. So it adds to the depth of my experience and I haven't been disappointed with this at all. Every now and then though, a taste of something familiar is nice.

Mi Bienvenido a Chile

I've been in Santiago, Chile for over a week now. Physically I'm here, but my heart is missing BA in a big way. Don't get me wrong- Santiago is a nice city. It's clean, modern, etc...but I'm partial to the quirky and infectious character that sits heavy in the air in Buenos Aires. You breath and move around in it and sooner than later you find yourself addicted. At the moment I'm adjusting to life away from Argentina. The vibe of Santiago is different, but I have to say that my welcome here was quite flattering.

So I was making my way through the customs line in the Santiago airport like everyone else arriving from an international destination. I waited for my turn, approached one of the counters, handed my passport and forms to the officer, and he of course had trouble pronouncing my name. This has been a common problem on my trip. A way that I help people with my name is telling them that it is like the football team in England. Soccer is a big deal here and everybody instantly knows how to pronounce my name after I tell them that. So naturally I proceeded with this same explanation which then began a conversation. I'm please as punch about the fact that someone can speak to me in Spanish and I can understand what they say and then respond in a somewhat decent manner as well. So naturally I chatted with the officer for a few minutes. Wasn't too long before I realized he was asking me out. Took me by surprise, but also was a bit flattering. The other students who were waiting for me in the transfer van were impressed. 10 minutes in a new country and I already had a potential date.

24 de Marzo

A memory of my time in Argentina that I want to put into words...

It's the 24th of March, I'm en route to the Plaza de Mayo. The street is full of people en route to the Plaza as well. The energy in the air is palpable. I have chills as we walk by group after group of people united behind particular causes. This I think is the way the Plaza is meant to be seen.

A bit of background...the Casa Rosada is the house of government in Argentina. It was from the balcony of the Casa Rosada where Eva Peron made her speeches. It's the political focal point of Buenos Aires and in general a place of gathering. Argentines come here to protest, celebrate, and in general express their opinions.

The 24th of March has significance because 31 years ago on the 24th of March a military government took power in Argentina. What began was 7 years of uncertainty, insecurity, and terror. During those years it is estimated that 30,000 people were taken from their homes, tortured, and killed. Most of their families have no idea what happened to their loved ones and therefore no closure as well.

Every year there is a march on the Plaza de Mayo on the 24th of March to remember the awful things that happened and to never let them happen again. Last year was the 30th anniversary of the dictadura and from what I heard the march was enormous. This year the march was smaller but still made an impact on me. I won't easily forget seeing people of all ages and walks of life in the streets supporting the causes that were important to them.

For any of you that know the band U2, they wrote a song called ¨Mothers of the Disappeared¨which is about this period in Argentina´s history. It pays tribute to those who disappeared and to ¨The Mothers¨ of some of the disappeared that began to demonstrate in front of the Casa Rosada during this time and for many years after.

The Spontaneous Circus

One of my absolute favorite things about this city is that is just buzzing with human energy. I'm sure just on my walk to class everyday I pass a couple hundred people. I'm not sure what I'll do when I go back to SLC and see much emptier and less exciting streets. Suffer from people withdrawals, that I'm sure!

There is a park near my house and during the weekends there is an arts market. It is the place to be on Sundays. I discovered this one Sunday after visiting a nearby art museum and have found myself returning there on Sundays whenever I can.

It's really something of a spontaneous circus. Last Sunday I spent 3 hours wandering around and catching all the 'acts' that were there. Let's see, there was---

• A jazzy/bluegrass type band
• A band playing Cuban music
• A hilarious clown that had everyone in hysterics...even the teenage boys standing behind me.
• A couple dancing tango
• Jugglers
• Tightrope walkers
• A huge semi circle of folks doing capoiera
• A puppet show for the kiddies
• A drum circle
• And of course hundreds and hundreds of people like me just enjoying the atmosphere.

All that is missing really are the exotic animals. I'm serious-I can buy kettle corn, roasted nuts, ice cream and other such spectator food too! If you're ever in BA, be sure to make it a priority to come...you may even want to prepare a little performance of your own. You're guaranteed an easy going and appreciative audience!

Here and There---In a Big City

Maybe it's just because I've never lived in a really big city before, but to me Buenos Aires is a place of movement. Every day I'm amazed that there are so many things happening---all the comings and goings and how this city is like a big mixer, everything goes in and then gets spread around.

I'm sure those of you who have lived in big cities will say to yourself: ¨well sure Chelsey- that happens in other big cities too,¨ but you must remember that BA is the 1st big city I've ever spent any extended amount of time in. At times I enjoy the energy and chaos of the city but I know I don't belong in a place this big.

After 5 weeks of life in the big city though, this is what I can tell you about everyday comings and goings:

When you live in a city like this you learn to appreciate your feet. They are your most trusted mode of transportation. The majority of my days I get around by walking. Blocks, more blocks, and then more blocks. I've learned to appreciate my feet and what they can do for me. You can't just jump in your car here and get anywhere easily. And if you take a bus or the subte you still end up walking some distance. Occasionally I see people who have difficulties walking out in the streets with the rest of us. I admire them. It must take them ages to get where they are going.

Another thing is that you learn to move quickly as it can take a lot of time for you to get somewhere. Instead of my normal inattentive mosy, I've acquired a quicker more attentive pace. There's just too much going on here to get lost in your thoughts. There's traffic of every kind...human, bikes, cars, taxis, buses, etc.

Traffic is crazy here but I've become accustomed to things and have lost most of my fear of busy streets. Imagine streets- some very wide with lots of lanes, others not nearly as big, but all crammed with cars. The drivers of these cars pay no attention to lanes, they just weave in and out of each other in a kind of crazy dance. Occasionally I see bikers too, who are moving alongside of traffic. I can't decide if they are brave or crazy---it's probably a bit of both.

Whatever mode of transportation you choose, you're bound to have interaction with the others.

If you opt for taking a bus, rather than walking you have many to choose from. There is an army of buses. I've never seen so many buses in my life. To understand the bus system you need to buy a ¨Guia T¨ the handy but complicated bus guide. I think they should offer a class for us foreigners. You have to look at what buses are in your quadrant, then look at the quadrant you want to go to and see if the same buses go there, and then you have to locate a bus stop. They aren't listed in the guide, you just have to wander around the quadrant to find them. Oh and most of the streets here are one ways so you have to make sure the route you want goes in the right direction. Once you've figured out all that, you've got it made. A bus can take you anywhere you need to go!!!

There also is a large fleet of taxis. It's still a bit strange for me when I can walk to a corner and flag a taxi within a few minutes as we don't have many taxis in Utah.

There also is a decent subway system here. Though with the humidity, on a hot day the subte is more like an underground sauna. You climb in a crowded car and sweat right along with everybody else.

Other things I find interesting about getting around in this city:

• The lights turn yellow before they go green too. I think it's a good idea. So it's red, then yellow, then green, then yellow, then red again. A nice little cycle!
• There are street performers at some street lights. The majority I've seen have been jugglers. They pop in front of traffic, do a perfectly timed mini show, and then make their way down the line of cars with upturned hats asking for change as traffic begins to move forward again. It must be a lot of fun for the kids who live here to drop a coin out the window as they drive by.
• There are also people who walk in between cars and sell the most random things. This I'm sure is typical of other big cities, but it's my first experience with it.

Overall I find that there's never a dull moment here! I take the greatest of delights watching people in all aspects of life and a big city is such a great place to do that.

¡¡¡Watch Your Step!!!

A word to the wise. If you ever visit a well to do barrio like Recoletta when you visit Buenos Aires- watch your step! Dog ownership is something of a status symbol here and everybody seems to have some variety of man's best friend. The problem is that there is no place to take the pups to do their business but in the sidewalks and streets that the rest of us use too.

Remember that even though the architecture is interesting and you may be tempted to take your eyes off the sidewalk to look at a building--- or maybe you are distracted by some part of the hectic and daily movement of the masses--- always, always scan the way ahead before you move your feet!

Just trust me on this one. Every morning on my way to class, I hustle along the busy streets with everyone else who is on their way to somewhere. This includes the token dog walkers who are usually leashed to 6 or 8 dogs each. Imagine what several groups of these can do!

It's a sad but totally true fact that the smell of dog feces and urine will remind me of my time here in Recoletta.

My Second First Post

Well after my not so saavy self screwed up part of my template and I couldn't figure out how to fix it, I deleted my blog. I was on the verge of screaming in the internet cafe, so I had to take drastic measures. Hopefully take 2 will go better...