Test Anxiety???

It appears I have test anxiety. Many a morning during this summer the morning light and the realization of where I was came as grateful truth. I wasn't sitting at a desk looking down at a test I knew I was incapable of passing. My dream wasn't my reality.

The latest dream in my nightly series comes as a bit of an exotic entry to the usual subjects I find myself before (math, Spanish, etc.) I dreamt that I had to take a 250 question test on the Harry Potter books that like all the others I was destined to fail. The Harry Potter aspect is strange but the essence of this dream has become an all too common theme for me. In many a dream this summer I've found myself anxious and certain of failure even before beginning these tests.

I've never had a dream reoccur so many anxious times. What it all means has been pondered much, answered a little, and laughed at quite a bit as well. Who dreams themselves into taking tests on Harry Potter and not giving themselves abilities to cast spells, play Quidditch or the like?

Just me.

Yes, I'm a nerd and here's why...

It's been months since I came home from my trip and during the majority of that time not much has been what I would consider blog worthy. To usher in this new season of blogging I will reveal my inner nerd and how it escapes from time to time to embarrass me just a bit.

Tonight was the last concert of the summer at the Gallivan. Calexico put on a great show. It's not every day that you hear a southwestern stew of country, Mariachi, a bit of flamenco, and other tasty bites tossed together to make for an unforgettable musical flavor.

I love the excuse these concerts give me to move and groove a bit more than is permissible otherwise. I left the concert with the buena onda still in my mind and found myself waiting at a stop light rhythmically tapping away to my left signal blinker even though my destination was straight ahead. I have no idea how long it was on while I was off in my own little world.

Tonight my inner nerd escaped and I'm happy I unconsciously indulged it. I think way too often we suppress the happiness and joy we feel because of social norms and pressures. I'm still smiling about the escape and reveling in other memories it brings up of the little moments I catch of other people doing the same as I did.

So I say... give your inner nerd permission to enjoy life a bit more than your socially conscious self would allow!!!

Thank You 26!!!

To year 26--- Thank you for an unforgettable 365! 26 of the highlights:

1. Seeing Martin Sexton in concert twice in 2 weeks.
2. One of those times at Grand Targhee, under the blue sky, nestled against the backside of the Tetons, and after hearing Marty, having Patty Griffin take the stage. It doesn't get much better than that!!!
3. Unexpectedly discovering the vocals of Trevor Hall at a concert at Suede that I attended with friends. (His songs are among the most played in my ipod!!!)
4. The memory of my visit to Nick's "Lake Cottage" in Idaho will forever bring a smile to my face and a good bout of laughter.
5. The Tuesday Night tradition of bowling with T, that began in August and continued until the night before I left for South America in January. Good times.
6. Walking into Bajio's with the girls and having the staff shout out 3 especiales!
7. Watching the most amazing lightning storm in Mother Nature's high altitude kitchen of West Yellowstone the day before the 4th of July with Tara and Trish out at the old airport. It was better than any 4th of July fireworks I've ever seen!
8. Hiking Zion solo, including Observation Point and the Subway.
9. Making my first trip to Chicago to spend a week with Bailey, Dalsimer, Vanessa, and Sandbo--friends whose faces I hadn't seen since saying goodbye to them in Costa Rica in Dec 2004.
10. Any random day where Jen, Mel, and I were home together hamming it up in our house in the Aves.
11. Porch sitting until the wee hours of the morning. And a particular night doing just that and having some random stranger hand 2 roses to me through Brock's porch banister, surely cut from some unknowing neighbor's yard.
12. Falling in love the voice of Amos Lee after seeing him at The Depot.
13. Visiting a new continent, adding 3 countries to the list I've visited, their stamps in my passport and all the memories that come with over 12,000+ miles of travel over 5 months.
14. Seeing the majestic Iguazu Falls from both the Argentine and Brazilian sides. Waterfalls more amazing than any I have ever seen!
15. Crushing on the accordion player of Nora Luca every time I walked by him, playing in the nook on the sidewalk of Mitre next to the bank, on my way to get my daily fix of chocolate from Rapa Nui.
16. Galloping on a horse for the first time in an Estancia not far out from Bariloche.
17. The night spent at Refugio Frey.
18. My meal with Aisha and Helo at the Green Bamboo in Palermo ranks in the top 10 best, beautiful, and most enjoyable meals of my life!
19. 6 weeks of tango lessons with my very good looking Argentine teachers Pablo and Matu.
20. Seeing my first soccer game---San Lorenzo vs. River--- with the hottest, almost pediatrician Porteño guide!
21. Getting googly over good looking Argentine men being a daily experience for me while in Buenos Aires.
22. Being asked out by a customs officer 10 minutes after my arrival in Chile.
23. Eating more beef in 5 months than I'm sure I ate in the entire year before that.
24. Meeting and making new friends who hail from all over the globe.
25. Being able to say "Yo hablo español."
26. Seeing another dream come to fruition!!!

I Forgot My Gambler's Heart

Extending Travel Warning: You need a gambler's heart.

Why? Because though you expect things to change while you are away, there are things you figure time and distance won't touch, but upon settling back into your life again you just might find---like I did---that some things you never wanted or expected to change have done just that.

So though you won't lose everything while away, be warned that there are hidden risks and unseen losses that you must be willing to accept when you climb on that plane.

Trust me when I say that the outcome will be worth it. After it is all said and done you will look back at the experience and realize that knowing the risks wouldn't have made much of a difference. Every minute and mile brought you closer to yourself and a mountain of cherishable memories. It's a worthy venture of the heart for those who are willing to take the risk!!!

Kosher McDonald´s???

I never saw that one coming, but they do exist.

Only 10 Shopping Days Left!

I love BsAs! One of the reasons I love BsAs is because it's a great place to shop. You could endlessly walk the streets here and find things to buy. The prices are right, there is incredible variety and fashion, and it's just plain ole city fun! Let's just say that I've got big plans to buy, buy, buy and sufficient room in my suitcase!!!

On Being the Dumb One

For better or worse, all my life I've kept distance between me and experiences that leave me feeling vulnerable. This experience has been so incredibly humbling because I've felt a new kind of vulnerability. I love words. I splatter, splash, and many times drench people in my thoughts. I've taken for granted words and how we use them for everything. Without this ability I've been humbled. Let's just say I've been the dumb one and self expression with words comes at a heavier price. Today I didn't pass my biweekly exam. Needed a 75, got a 73. Not a huge deal but still keeps things in perspective for me. I expected this long before now, and to be honest I'm not surprised as I barely slid in with a pass on the last exam. I've learned loads but it's just the fact that I still have such a long way to go that is at times frustrating. On the fluency road I've just barely found my feet.